i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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