When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
