Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
