I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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