i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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