i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
