I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
