I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
