you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
