I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
