is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
