Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
