And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
