Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
