His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
