Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
