But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
