So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
