nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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