4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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