I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i out mim tonsoeep
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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