did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
