Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
