I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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