You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
