its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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