Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
