All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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