I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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