My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
