Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
