I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
