Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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