I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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