Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
