At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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