he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
