I accidentally had phone sex last night
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
