omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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