remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
