My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
