so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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