So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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