so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
