Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
