Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
