a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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