He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
