My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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