It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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