After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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