I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
