Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
