So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
