i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
