how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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