big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
